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You're Not Getting Any Younger

Nov 17, 2018

This year I the most grateful for all of the things I lost.


I lost my favorite pair of socks in an AirBnB in Brooklyn that I spent 30-days living in because when it was time to pack up and leave, I forgot to grab them from the 8 layers of blankets that I used to keep me warm.


I lost muscle on my arms because I traded in many workout sessions for nap sessions (this is something I don't regret). 


I lost my promise of always meeting deadlines because I never wrote the 50 pages of a new book I told my wonderful book agent I'd write by the end of October (this is something I DO regret).


I lost a best friend of 7 years who one day, out of the blue, told me that she didn't want to be friends anymore. Her reason? I still do not know.


I lost my temper a couple of times on the people I love the most because they said things that I knew to be true but didn't want to admit that because I'm inherently stubborn, and also, I like to learn things the hard ways (sorry mom).


I lost my motivation, some days, to do much more than get out of bed, brush my teeth, and go through the motions of being a human.


I lost my desire to care about the little things, like big bugs crawling in the apartment, or a mattress that was less comfortable than sleeping on the ground, or having only cold water in the shower, because living out of a suitcase, in a new home every 30-days, for over a year, breaks you a really good way.


I lost $25 at a casino in Colorado Springs, I lost 3 pairs of headphones, I lost a fully loaded MetroCard, I lost a few pounds, then gained them back, then lost them again, get the hint.


So why this year am I choosing to be thankful for all that I've lost?


Because we all lose things in our lives and some are irreplaceable and other things are past-due to leave, and though we try to hold on and chase and feel resentment, we must move forward, we must eyeball all that we have and be grateful before it too is gone.


Before we add it to our list, clean our hands of the past, and learn to inhale the future - even if's not what we imagined it would be.